Damn Silent Night (to the tune of...what else?)

If you don't believe Jesus was God, OK, go write your own damn "Silent Night" and leave ours alone. -- Garrison Keillor

Damn silent night; damn holy night;
War of words; all uptight.
Mr, Keillor doth seem a bit stressed:
“Those who use other words will not be blessed!
Keep your hands off our hy--ymns.
Ke-ep your hands off our hymns!”

“On this night, celebrate right.
Call Jesus ‘God,’ not just ‘a light.’"
Christmas battles now in a new phase;
"March, Christian soldiers, our hymnals we raise.
If we win, we’ll have pea—eace.
We must win so we’ll have peace.”

Damn silent night; damn holy night.
I’m humming along, but the words just aren’t right.
Jesus, we need you to fa-cil-it-ate
Diverse theologies do tend to grate.
They upset our heavenly pea—eace.
Please send some heavenly peace.